( some days, nina wanted nothing to do with men. she'd done enough of dealing with their feelings, their anger and their contempt in her lifetime, had done enough to right a wrong she'd done to one of them. him being an exception, of course. as well as the other boys, the ones with which she felt alive, the ones who gave her thrilling purpose.
today, she was tired. matthias was being his usual stubborn self, nina absolutely knowing she was equally stubborn and yet still wishing he could be less so. she found inej, sitting with her back straight, and flopped ungracefully next to her, the ripples of her dress making a fwoop sound. it made her want to giggle, but she contained herself. she was a soldier, and that was very serious business.
sometimes a soldier just wanted to hang out with her girl friend and complain about boys. )
I'm tired of men. I like eating waffles better than I like dealing with them, ( she said, lightly enough, as she examined her fingernails and picked some dirt out of them. dirty work, working for dirty hands. )
[ On all points, Inej could only agree. Most days, she enjoyed the company of all the boys in their own way. Jesper's infectious excited energy, Wylan's out of place but refreshing gentleness, Matthias' steadfast and strong nature that saw them through so much. Even Kaz, Diryhands himself, had his moments that made the girl remember why she was still loyal to the Dregs.
Currently, however, she wanted to strangle him for something he'd said and as a result was done with the lot of boys as a whole. They were just infuriatingly dense some days. All of them could take a long walk off the shortest pier in Ketterdam as far as she was concerned. So Nina has found herself in good company for complaining. ]
I'm pretty sure you like eating waffles more than most things, Nina. [ said affectionately, a small smile curling at the edges of her lips. ] Not that there's anything wrong with that. I think we're overdue for a waffle date, actually.
( nina perked up immediately at the mention of their waffle date, going from slumping to sitting up properly, touching a hand to inej's arm, eager and already excited. it was true she liked eating waffles more than most things, a thing she did not shame herself for in the least, but doing so with a dear friend doubled the pleasure.
especially if they could rant about boys as they did, and, you know. maybe flirt a little.
just a little. )
We should go. Ditch these boys and have ourselves a feast! I bet we'll be better at taking each other out on a date than any of them could ever be.
[ How could Inej resist such a smile? So genuine and excited, all just for her. That touch doesn't go unnoticed either; in fact, the girl's smile only grows at it. She's always been appreciative of Nina's shine but in this moment, however fleetingly, she thinks she wants nothing more than just to see Nina so happy around her always. That she'd do just about anything to keep her as content as possible.
Just a little flirting. It's an admittedly an enticing prospect. It's not as if any of the boys - besides Jesper, with his natural charm - could flirt their ways out of a paper bag. She'd practically forgotten what it was like to be flirted with at this point. It hadn't been a priority, hadn't been important. Though she doesn't think it'd be such a bad thing to be reminded. ]
That sounds perfect, [ she agrees. ] They might even learn a thing or two from us.
( nina's smile only grows at inej's responses, and she gets to her feet, holding out a hand to her. not that inej needs help getting up. it's an excuse to hold onto her a little longer. )
I think they're hopeless, personally. ( yet the fondness in her voice says otherwise. she would die for any of her friends. this may have started as some heist, some arrangement, but nina loves them all with all her heart. in which inej holds a special place. )
Utterly, [ Inej agrees, though there's no shortage of fondness in her own tone.
There were times she wondered why she was still loyal to The Dregs, what kept her here. She knows - and maybe she had always known, somewhere in her heart - that it was because it wasn't just The Dregs. It was the few of them, the people she cared for most in the world. Especially for Nina, she thinks. For her, Inej might really just do anything.
She reaches to take hold of Nina's hand and hoist herself up. And even after she's standing, she doesn't actually let go of the other girl's hand. ]
( nina is secretly so very pleased that inej didn't let go of her hand, as she had every intention to hold it. it feels like somewhat of a privilege, to be allowed this in the first place.
it's not many who could put a hand on the wraith and keep it.
but it's not about that. it's about inej being one of her very favorite people and wanting to let all the affection inside her chest out in the world in any way she can. )
I know just the place, ( she whispers conspiratorially, tugging inej along toward the door, out into the streets. the smell of the city fills her nose, but it's inej she smells most of all, pressed at her side, shoulder to shoulder. ) They do towers of waffles.
[ Not many left to live to speak of it, for certain.
It isn't easy for Inej - holding hands, simple superficial softness - but Nina somehow made it feel almost effortless. With her smiles and sweet disposition despite her soldier's history, it was the perfect type of dichotomy. Nina wasn't the only one feeling privileged.
She allows herself to be guided along, content to stay close. Her skin feels soft despite how hardened Inej knows she is. ]
Entire towers? I'd ask who needs that many waffles, but it looks like we do today.
( having alec over often was a delight. so much so, in fact, that magnus' loft often felt empty and cold when he was gone. this place had been his home for a long time, yet it felt different, nowadays. there was an absence, one he realised he never felt when alec was there with him.
it made him want more of that. he knew it was complicated, maybe impossible, for alec to really live with him.
but it didn't stop his heart from wanting it badly. seeing alec make himself more and more at home tugged at this desire. so did the constant knowledge that his time with alec was limited. he wanted every minute with him he could have. )
Maybe I should make more room for some of your things here, what do you think? ( they had been sitting in companionable silence for a moment, magnus lost in his thoughts about this. it seems like a possible foot in the door to bring this up, maybe an opportunity to suss out if it's something alec would like for him to ask. )
( Magnus’ voice pulls Alec out of his thoughts. He’s grateful for the distraction. Things have been hectic at the institute and his to-do list seemed to be endless. Being here, with Magnus, even just sitting here, enjoying each other’s company seems like a blessing.
Now that he was head of the institute it was more difficult to balance his time between the institute and here. But over the last few months here felt more like home than the institute. When he was here with Magnus he could let go and be himself. He didn’t have to act or hide here. The nights he couldn’t make it to Magnus’ apartment, Alec would lie awake in his empty bed, fingers itching to call Magnus and wake him up just to hear his voice. No matter what happens, Alec would move mountains to be here as much as he could.
He shifts, stretching his legs out in front of him, glancing sideways at Magnus, trying to read his face. He knows how serious this is, how important. As practical as it may sound, this is the next step in their relationship. Magnus’ place is his sanctuary and this means he trusts Alec enough to let him have a part of it. He believes in them enough.
Besides, having some things here would mean Alec would be able to spend more time here with Magnus. )
( magnus puts a hand on alec's knee, resting his hand there comfortably. this is important, even if he's not outright asking alec to move in with him. kind of dancing around it, really, but it's okay to go step by step, isn't it? even if there are a lot of in-between-steps-moments magnus feels ready to skip. or shorten. his feelings for alec have been overwhelming from day one, and have only grown since. )
Of course! ( he says that in full confidence.
he can easily create space, and he knows alec is conscientious and neat, not the type to make a mess of someone else's things or not pick up after himself.
but really, he's confident because he wants alec here all the time. when alec ends up staying the night at the institute, his bed feels cold and empty and he always itches to call alec and just... talk. until they drift off. )
Especially if it means I get to have you here a little longer.
( Alec’s heart skips a beat and he tries to keep his face as neutral as possible but he can’t help the tiny smile that curves up the corner of his lips. )
It would make things easier and I wouldn’t have to leave so early in the mornings...
( A part of Alec was worried he would overstay his welcome. They both have trouble opening up and not pushing each other away he’s worried if he’s around even more it may be too much. But the more rational part of his brain knows if Magnus is brining it up then it wasn’t without thought. )
( to magnus, alec could never overstay his welcome. even if friction occurred, it was only natural, and each instance of overcoming those situations made his feelings for alec strenghten and deepen.
he pats alec's leg decidedly. )
Then I'll make some room for some of your things! For practicality's sake...
( he trails off, as if about to say something else, but he looks unsure for a moment and shakes his head. he shouldn't skip steps. maybe alec isn't ready to move in. maybe alec would say no, that he can't because of his role, and that would be understandable but still make magnus a little sad.
but he kind of really wants to ask, because what if alec said yes?)
( Alec covers Magnus’ hand with his own where it rests on his leg. )
Right. Practical. That’s us. I’ll bring like a toothbrush, change of clothes, coffee maker...Necessities. For practicality’s sake.
( He nudges Magnus’ foot with his own and looks up from where their hands are joined. Alec studies Magnus’ face, careful and searching but affectionate. He couldn’t help but feel like Magnus was more careful than usual with him, tiptoeing around something. Was he already regretting telling Alec that he could leave a few things here? He was having trouble reading him right now. )
( the coffee maker mention makes magnus smile. he can summon coffee with the snap of his fingers, the fact that alec wants to bring his own machine endears him even further to his boyfriend.
but he's thinking. )
Shadowhunters don't often spend this much time away from their Institutes or Idris, do they?
Um, not usually, no. The institute is like a home away from home. But we also always to be ready to fight at a moment’s notice. You know, our sacred duty and all that. Those lucky enough to live long enough usually retire to Idris.
But Shadowhunters don’t often date Warlocks either.
( The question made Alec nervous, afraid Magnus was going to change his mind. His heart was caught in his throat, anxious Magnus would say that spending more time together wouldn’t be good for either of them. How could they be good leaders if they were distracted? )
( magnus turns his hand so their palms touch, smiling softly at the addition. it's true. shadowhunters and warlocks don't often date. they're a special case.
as much as alec's answer was both reassuring and worrying, he won't know how alec feels personally about the topic if he doesn't ask. )
What about you, Alexander? How do you feel about that?
( He keeps his gaze fixed on Magnus, brows furrowed slightly. The question feels loaded. Like if he says the wrong thing, it’ll ruin everything. He’s not even sure what the right thing to say is, what Magnus is looking for. Magnus seems guarded but if Alec’s learned anything it’s that it’s best for him to be as honest as possible. )
At first it was hard. I felt like I was betraying my family by not being there. It’s like—it’s like that was another obligation. I’m a Shadowhunter, a Lightwood, that’s where I have to be to be a good Shadowhunter, a good son, a good parabatai.
( it's not the wrong thing to say, but magnus feels an ache for the response anyway. for alec specifically, for shadowhunter kind. no one should have to feel obliged to set aside their own life for honor. their happiness.
at least, he hopes being here often makes alec happy. he tries to achieve that. )
You're a good everything no matter where you spend your time, Alexander. ( it feels important to say. alec is all those things no matter whether he's at the institute 24/7 or takes a couple of nights away to be with his boyfriend. greedily, magnus wishes that was every night. he squeezes alec's hand and breathes in. ) It's okay for you to have downtime where you feel comfortable. I hope I've made the loft be one of those places.
( Alec rubs his thumb absentmindedly over the top of Magnus’ hand but doesn’t break his gaze away from Magnus’ face. )
You have, Magnus. See, I wasn’t finished. I said it was hard at first but now, now here feels more like home than the institute. I thought that these things had to exist separately. That I couldn’t be a good leader unless I devoted all of my time and all of myself to the institute and our duty. But the more time I spent with you and figuring out who I am I know that’s not true.
You, this makes me a better leader. I can have both and I don’t have to give up who I am to do it. Wherever I can be with you, that’s where I want to be.
( He pulls his hand away to run his fingers nervously through his hair. He had never admitted out loud to anyone that the institute didn’t really feel like home anymore or maybe it never had and he just tried so hard because he wanted to make his parents and everyone proud. And it sounds so cheesy when he finally says it even if it’s the truth. )
I’m sorry. That sounded less lame in my head, I think.
ah, how alec makes his heart jump and stop and jump start again. not only does it bring magnus joy to see alec express what he feels and thinks, but it brings him joy to see him grow, and it brings him happiness to know alec values what they have. a lot of happiness.
makes him downright melt, if he's honest. )
It doesn't sound lame at all. ( far from it. the way magnus looks at alec now, he looks like a lovesick puppy, like he's never seen anything or anyone more precious and beautiful.
then he blurts it out. it's unusual for him when he's so careful with words, what he says, his own feelings. but he feels too strongly here and now. )
( Alec shifts so he can face Magnus. He’s not sure he heard him correctly. )
Move in with you like for good? Like live here, with you? Are you sure?
( He didn’t mean to sound so dense but of all the things he expected Magnus to say right now, “move in with me” was not it. Alec can’t say he hasn’t thought about it himself. He increasingly found himself thinking about what it would be like to live with Magnus, to share the same space, to not have to leave if he didn’t want to. He’s never lived outside of the institute with the occasional trips to Idris. This is a new and terrifying step in their relationship and in Alec becoming who he is meant to be.
But now that the words were out, Alec couldn’t help but want it. More than anything. To know that when he left the institute at the end of the day he was coming home to Magnus. He just had to know that Magnus was sure, the this is really what he wants. )
Yes. ( he says immediately. he's sure. and he wants this for good. his hand reaches to cup alec's face gently, a serene smile on magnus' face. ) For good.
This place feels more like home when you're there. ( it's almost a shy admission. almost. it's certainly the kind of thing that is easier to say with alec. baring his heart to his boyfriend is easier than it's been with anyone. it's a lot to ask, and it's a big step, but there's no fear or hesitation now that magnus has spoken the request.
he wants this. sharing a space with alec. seeing him every day. tying their lives together a little more tightly. if alec needs more time, he understands. if alec says he can't, he'll understand too, even if it might be a sad thing to swallow. )
( Alec wants that too. He wants to come home to Magnus. To know that no matter what the day brings, he has someone to come home to.
Magnus is letting his guard down, being so open with Alec and suddenly, he’s overcome with the urge to kiss him. Alec’s hands are shaking slightly when he reaches to grab Magnus’ face and pull him in for a kiss. It’s just a quick peck on the lips, short and sweet and he pulls away so he can get a better look at Magnus’ face. The way Manus looks at him, the emotions there, it’s enough to make Alec’s heart stop and studder in his chest.
This time he can’t fight the smile on his face as he looks at his boyfriend with all the love and affection he feels. )
Yes. Yes, I’ll move in with you.
( He is trying not to think about how this is going to go when he gets back to the institute and breaks the news to everyone. Can the Clave order him to stay there if he was to remain head of the institute? Would his family feel betrayed? He’s not sure anyone has tried this before.
Whatever was going to happen, he would deal with that later. Right now he was going to allow himself to be happy, to savor this moment. )
I’m going to have to bring more than a coffee maker now though.
( magnus actually laughs, delighted, ecstatic to have asked and to be taking this step with alec. it's a little scary, having not shared his home with someone like this in a long time. jace's stay didn't count in the same way — jace had been a guest, temporarily housed. this is alec moving in with him to share their living space permanently.
he feels a little bit like he's soaring. he'd forgotten how good it was to... live, basically, rather than distract himself and keep his heart locked away. alec makes him feel so alive, and happy to be. )
Yeah? Really? ( he knows the answer to that, though. alec wouldn't say yes if he didn't want to. it's just... magical to realise this is really happening. magnus can't resist kissing alec either, even after alec's lips leave his. he lets their lips meet once more, lips curved into a smile against it. )
I'll make room for everything you need. This place is yours as much as it is mine. ( he touches alec's face with a brush of his fingertips, along his cheek. watches alec like he can't quite believe this man is real, and that they're taking this step together. he's so happy he can't help but basically giggle.
what the clave thinks and says they can face together, right? for now, they can bask in this happiness. )
( Magnus’ fingertips on Alec’s skin send a shiver down his spine and he leans into his touch, allowing himself to be here in this moment and enjoy everything Magnus makes him feel. And he makes him feel a lot.
He can’t quite believe how lucky he is to have found Magnus. Now he’s getting the chance to live with him, to share their lives every day and to know that no matter what happens they will still have this. He feels a little overwhelmed with it all and he has to take a deep, steadying breath before he can speak again. )
I uh, I don’t have that much as far as stuff goes. So you don’t have to worry about me taking over or anything.
No, I just... ( he touches his earcuff as he does when he's admitting something that makes him feel a little vulnerable. ) You could have said you needed to wait a little, and I haven't lived with anyone in a long time.
( so asking feels... big. and getting a positive answer feels even bigger. )
I don't care if you do, Alexander. ( he could take over the whole loft. it's alec's as much as it is his from this moment onwards. he touches alec's cheek, leans in to kiss him. when he pulls back, he still looks overjoyed.) I want to feel your presence in every room.
( Alec smiles and it’s small and private, one of his rare smiles reserved only for Magnus. Though anyone that knows Alec can say they’ve seen him smiling more and more ever since he met Magnus. )
Yeah, sure. You say that now. Just wait until you have weapons and Shadowhunter paraphernalia all over the place.
( He’s joking of course and when he laughs it’s like a little more of the impossible weight he carries around with him day after day lifts. Another piece falls into place and Alec knows, without a doubt in his heart, that this is where he belongs.
Alec can’t help himself when he reaches out, hand cupping Magnus’ face, the pad of his thumb tenderly stroking Magnus’ jaw. When their eyes meet his heart skips a beat, stop stuttering in his chest and all he can do is lean in, closing the small space between them and kiss Magnus. He’s powerless to do anything else right now. )
( not that magnus would ever, ever complain about being kissed by alec lightwood. especially not right now, emotions running high from taking this step with his boyfriend and the man he loves so dearly, not when instants before alec was laughing. it's one of magnus' favorite sounds of all time, that laugh.
magnus laughs too, when he pulls away from the kiss. )
I'll know who's responsible if I trip on a bow.
( he kisses alec again, hand smoothing over alec's chest and his thumb stroking over the fabric. an idle gesture he does automatically, when he gets his hands on him. ) I'll make a spot for all your big bad Shadowhunter things, don't worry.
Fortunately, you picked the neatest Shadowhunter for a boyfriend. I promise I’m a lot neater and less brazen than Jace.
( Alec is quiet for a moment, thinking, and then his smile fades from his face as something occurs to him. He straightens, sitting up and placing his hand gently over Magnus’ where it rests on his chest. )
Magnus, will me living here put a target on your back? What about your people? How will they react?
( ah. well. magnus has thought about that, and he doesn't know how it will go down. probably the response will mixed. )
Honestly? I'm not sure. ( he admits, but doesn't stop there. this isn't about to stop him. he wants alec in his life, and he can continue with his role as high warlock with alec living with him. if they think that's all it takes for him to not longer be worthy of the title... well, he'd have some words.
besides, this is their life, isn't it? )
But it's none of their business. I want this, Alexander.
I want this too. ( Alec smiles and shakes his head, pushing away any negative thoughts. People in both their worlds were always going to have something to say as long as they were together. Alec found it hard to care about that when he has never been happier in his entire life.
He reaches down, fingers tracing the rings on Magnus’ hands. )
( magnus would very much agree with that. people were always going to have an opinion on their relationship, but the fact of the matter was that it involved no one but them. what others thought meant nothing. they're happy together. magnus is happier than he ever remembers being, even with the struggles brought on by the politics surrounding them. after all that, he only wants to fight harder for their right to love each other in peace. )
I could never have imagined, ( he says softly, almost wistful, while watching alec's face. it sounds like he means in general, too. not just alec specifically, but he never could have imagined one day meeting someone again, loving like this, living together, loving a shadowhunter. )
So, ( He gives Magnus’ hand a squeeze. ) when do I get my key?
( Alec is all smiles and he can’t remember ever being this happy before. The way Magnus is looking at him, like he can’t believe Alec is real...Alec thinks he would do anything for Magnus. Alec knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he will fight for them as long as he can and go to the ends of the world to show Magnus that he is worthy of love and happiness until he believes it. )
Well, since you ask so nicely — ( with a flourish of his hand that lasts a little too long not to be purposefully showy to amuse alec, magnus summons a copy of his keys into his hand, holding it out to his boyfriend with a smile. ) Here, my love.
( then he snaps his fingers. )
The wards have been adjusted to always let you in, even if I'm not home.
( the prospect sounds lovely to him. coming home to alec already being there, comfortable and safe... it makes his heart feel so full. )
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@inej
today, she was tired. matthias was being his usual stubborn self, nina absolutely knowing she was equally stubborn and yet still wishing he could be less so. she found inej, sitting with her back straight, and flopped ungracefully next to her, the ripples of her dress making a fwoop sound. it made her want to giggle, but she contained herself. she was a soldier, and that was very serious business.
sometimes a soldier just wanted to hang out with her girl friend and complain about boys. )
I'm tired of men. I like eating waffles better than I like dealing with them, ( she said, lightly enough, as she examined her fingernails and picked some dirt out of them. dirty work, working for dirty hands. )
no subject
Currently, however, she wanted to strangle him for something he'd said and as a result was done with the lot of boys as a whole. They were just infuriatingly dense some days. All of them could take a long walk off the shortest pier in Ketterdam as far as she was concerned. So Nina has found herself in good company for complaining. ]
I'm pretty sure you like eating waffles more than most things, Nina. [ said affectionately, a small smile curling at the edges of her lips. ] Not that there's anything wrong with that. I think we're overdue for a waffle date, actually.
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especially if they could rant about boys as they did, and, you know. maybe flirt a little.
just a little. )
We should go. Ditch these boys and have ourselves a feast! I bet we'll be better at taking each other out on a date than any of them could ever be.
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Just a little flirting. It's an admittedly an enticing prospect. It's not as if any of the boys - besides Jesper, with his natural charm - could flirt their ways out of a paper bag. She'd practically forgotten what it was like to be flirted with at this point. It hadn't been a priority, hadn't been important. Though she doesn't think it'd be such a bad thing to be reminded. ]
That sounds perfect, [ she agrees. ] They might even learn a thing or two from us.
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I think they're hopeless, personally. ( yet the fondness in her voice says otherwise. she would die for any of her friends. this may have started as some heist, some arrangement, but nina loves them all with all her heart. in which inej holds a special place. )
no subject
There were times she wondered why she was still loyal to The Dregs, what kept her here. She knows - and maybe she had always known, somewhere in her heart - that it was because it wasn't just The Dregs. It was the few of them, the people she cared for most in the world. Especially for Nina, she thinks. For her, Inej might really just do anything.
She reaches to take hold of Nina's hand and hoist herself up. And even after she's standing, she doesn't actually let go of the other girl's hand. ]
I'll let you lead the way.
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it's not many who could put a hand on the wraith and keep it.
but it's not about that. it's about inej being one of her very favorite people and wanting to let all the affection inside her chest out in the world in any way she can. )
I know just the place, ( she whispers conspiratorially, tugging inej along toward the door, out into the streets. the smell of the city fills her nose, but it's inej she smells most of all, pressed at her side, shoulder to shoulder. ) They do towers of waffles.
no subject
It isn't easy for Inej - holding hands, simple superficial softness - but Nina somehow made it feel almost effortless. With her smiles and sweet disposition despite her soldier's history, it was the perfect type of dichotomy. Nina wasn't the only one feeling privileged.
She allows herself to be guided along, content to stay close. Her skin feels soft despite how hardened Inej knows she is. ]
Entire towers? I'd ask who needs that many waffles, but it looks like we do today.
@magnusimsorry
it made him want more of that. he knew it was complicated, maybe impossible, for alec to really live with him.
but it didn't stop his heart from wanting it badly. seeing alec make himself more and more at home tugged at this desire. so did the constant knowledge that his time with alec was limited. he wanted every minute with him he could have. )
Maybe I should make more room for some of your things here, what do you think? ( they had been sitting in companionable silence for a moment, magnus lost in his thoughts about this. it seems like a possible foot in the door to bring this up, maybe an opportunity to suss out if it's something alec would like for him to ask. )
no subject
Now that he was head of the institute it was more difficult to balance his time between the institute and here. But over the last few months here felt more like home than the institute. When he was here with Magnus he could let go and be himself. He didn’t have to act or hide here. The nights he couldn’t make it to Magnus’ apartment, Alec would lie awake in his empty bed, fingers itching to call Magnus and wake him up just to hear his voice. No matter what happens, Alec would move mountains to be here as much as he could.
He shifts, stretching his legs out in front of him, glancing sideways at Magnus, trying to read his face. He knows how serious this is, how important. As practical as it may sound, this is the next step in their relationship. Magnus’ place is his sanctuary and this means he trusts Alec enough to let him have a part of it. He believes in them enough.
Besides, having some things here would mean Alec would be able to spend more time here with Magnus. )
Yeah? You’d be okay with that?
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Of course! ( he says that in full confidence.
he can easily create space, and he knows alec is conscientious and neat, not the type to make a mess of someone else's things or not pick up after himself.
but really, he's confident because he wants alec here all the time. when alec ends up staying the night at the institute, his bed feels cold and empty and he always itches to call alec and just... talk. until they drift off. )
Especially if it means I get to have you here a little longer.
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It would make things easier and I wouldn’t have to leave so early in the mornings...
( A part of Alec was worried he would overstay his welcome. They both have trouble opening up and not pushing each other away he’s worried if he’s around even more it may be too much. But the more rational part of his brain knows if Magnus is brining it up then it wasn’t without thought. )
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he pats alec's leg decidedly. )
Then I'll make some room for some of your things! For practicality's sake...
( he trails off, as if about to say something else, but he looks unsure for a moment and shakes his head. he shouldn't skip steps. maybe alec isn't ready to move in. maybe alec would say no, that he can't because of his role, and that would be understandable but still make magnus a little sad.
but he kind of really wants to ask, because what if alec said yes?)
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Right. Practical. That’s us. I’ll bring like a toothbrush, change of clothes, coffee maker...Necessities. For practicality’s sake.
( He nudges Magnus’ foot with his own and looks up from where their hands are joined. Alec studies Magnus’ face, careful and searching but affectionate. He couldn’t help but feel like Magnus was more careful than usual with him, tiptoeing around something. Was he already regretting telling Alec that he could leave a few things here? He was having trouble reading him right now. )
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but he's thinking. )
Shadowhunters don't often spend this much time away from their Institutes or Idris, do they?
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But Shadowhunters don’t often date Warlocks either.
( The question made Alec nervous, afraid Magnus was going to change his mind. His heart was caught in his throat, anxious Magnus would say that spending more time together wouldn’t be good for either of them. How could they be good leaders if they were distracted? )
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as much as alec's answer was both reassuring and worrying, he won't know how alec feels personally about the topic if he doesn't ask. )
What about you, Alexander? How do you feel about that?
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( He keeps his gaze fixed on Magnus, brows furrowed slightly. The question feels loaded. Like if he says the wrong thing, it’ll ruin everything. He’s not even sure what the right thing to say is, what Magnus is looking for. Magnus seems guarded but if Alec’s learned anything it’s that it’s best for him to be as honest as possible. )
At first it was hard. I felt like I was betraying my family by not being there. It’s like—it’s like that was another obligation. I’m a Shadowhunter, a Lightwood, that’s where I have to be to be a good Shadowhunter, a good son, a good parabatai.
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at least, he hopes being here often makes alec happy. he tries to achieve that. )
You're a good everything no matter where you spend your time, Alexander. ( it feels important to say. alec is all those things no matter whether he's at the institute 24/7 or takes a couple of nights away to be with his boyfriend. greedily, magnus wishes that was every night. he squeezes alec's hand and breathes in. ) It's okay for you to have downtime where you feel comfortable. I hope I've made the loft be one of those places.
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You have, Magnus. See, I wasn’t finished. I said it was hard at first but now, now here feels more like home than the institute. I thought that these things had to exist separately. That I couldn’t be a good leader unless I devoted all of my time and all of myself to the institute and our duty. But the more time I spent with you and figuring out who I am I know that’s not true.
You, this makes me a better leader. I can have both and I don’t have to give up who I am to do it. Wherever I can be with you, that’s where I want to be.
( He pulls his hand away to run his fingers nervously through his hair. He had never admitted out loud to anyone that the institute didn’t really feel like home anymore or maybe it never had and he just tried so hard because he wanted to make his parents and everyone proud. And it sounds so cheesy when he finally says it even if it’s the truth. )
I’m sorry. That sounded less lame in my head, I think.
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ah, how alec makes his heart jump and stop and jump start again. not only does it bring magnus joy to see alec express what he feels and thinks, but it brings him joy to see him grow, and it brings him happiness to know alec values what they have. a lot of happiness.
makes him downright melt, if he's honest. )
It doesn't sound lame at all. ( far from it. the way magnus looks at alec now, he looks like a lovesick puppy, like he's never seen anything or anyone more precious and beautiful.
then he blurts it out. it's unusual for him when he's so careful with words, what he says, his own feelings. but he feels too strongly here and now. )
Move in with me.
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( Alec shifts so he can face Magnus. He’s not sure he heard him correctly. )
Move in with you like for good? Like live here, with you? Are you sure?
( He didn’t mean to sound so dense but of all the things he expected Magnus to say right now, “move in with me” was not it. Alec can’t say he hasn’t thought about it himself. He increasingly found himself thinking about what it would be like to live with Magnus, to share the same space, to not have to leave if he didn’t want to. He’s never lived outside of the institute with the occasional trips to Idris. This is a new and terrifying step in their relationship and in Alec becoming who he is meant to be.
But now that the words were out, Alec couldn’t help but want it. More than anything. To know that when he left the institute at the end of the day he was coming home to Magnus. He just had to know that Magnus was sure, the this is really what he wants. )
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This place feels more like home when you're there. ( it's almost a shy admission. almost. it's certainly the kind of thing that is easier to say with alec. baring his heart to his boyfriend is easier than it's been with anyone. it's a lot to ask, and it's a big step, but there's no fear or hesitation now that magnus has spoken the request.
he wants this. sharing a space with alec. seeing him every day. tying their lives together a little more tightly. if alec needs more time, he understands. if alec says he can't, he'll understand too, even if it might be a sad thing to swallow. )
I want to come home to you.
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Magnus is letting his guard down, being so open with Alec and suddenly, he’s overcome with the urge to kiss him. Alec’s hands are shaking slightly when he reaches to grab Magnus’ face and pull him in for a kiss. It’s just a quick peck on the lips, short and sweet and he pulls away so he can get a better look at Magnus’ face. The way Manus looks at him, the emotions there, it’s enough to make Alec’s heart stop and studder in his chest.
This time he can’t fight the smile on his face as he looks at his boyfriend with all the love and affection he feels. )
Yes. Yes, I’ll move in with you.
( He is trying not to think about how this is going to go when he gets back to the institute and breaks the news to everyone. Can the Clave order him to stay there if he was to remain head of the institute? Would his family feel betrayed? He’s not sure anyone has tried this before.
Whatever was going to happen, he would deal with that later. Right now he was going to allow himself to be happy, to savor this moment. )
I’m going to have to bring more than a coffee maker now though.
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he feels a little bit like he's soaring. he'd forgotten how good it was to... live, basically, rather than distract himself and keep his heart locked away. alec makes him feel so alive, and happy to be. )
Yeah? Really? ( he knows the answer to that, though. alec wouldn't say yes if he didn't want to. it's just... magical to realise this is really happening. magnus can't resist kissing alec either, even after alec's lips leave his. he lets their lips meet once more, lips curved into a smile against it. )
I'll make room for everything you need. This place is yours as much as it is mine. ( he touches alec's face with a brush of his fingertips, along his cheek. watches alec like he can't quite believe this man is real, and that they're taking this step together. he's so happy he can't help but basically giggle.
what the clave thinks and says they can face together, right? for now, they can bask in this happiness. )
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( Magnus’ fingertips on Alec’s skin send a shiver down his spine and he leans into his touch, allowing himself to be here in this moment and enjoy everything Magnus makes him feel. And he makes him feel a lot.
He can’t quite believe how lucky he is to have found Magnus. Now he’s getting the chance to live with him, to share their lives every day and to know that no matter what happens they will still have this. He feels a little overwhelmed with it all and he has to take a deep, steadying breath before he can speak again. )
I uh, I don’t have that much as far as stuff goes. So you don’t have to worry about me taking over or anything.
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( so asking feels... big. and getting a positive answer feels even bigger. )
I don't care if you do, Alexander. ( he could take over the whole loft. it's alec's as much as it is his from this moment onwards. he touches alec's cheek, leans in to kiss him. when he pulls back, he still looks overjoyed.) I want to feel your presence in every room.
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Yeah, sure. You say that now. Just wait until you have weapons and Shadowhunter paraphernalia all over the place.
( He’s joking of course and when he laughs it’s like a little more of the impossible weight he carries around with him day after day lifts. Another piece falls into place and Alec knows, without a doubt in his heart, that this is where he belongs.
Alec can’t help himself when he reaches out, hand cupping Magnus’ face, the pad of his thumb tenderly stroking Magnus’ jaw. When their eyes meet his heart skips a beat, stop stuttering in his chest and all he can do is lean in, closing the small space between them and kiss Magnus. He’s powerless to do anything else right now. )
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magnus laughs too, when he pulls away from the kiss. )
I'll know who's responsible if I trip on a bow.
( he kisses alec again, hand smoothing over alec's chest and his thumb stroking over the fabric. an idle gesture he does automatically, when he gets his hands on him. ) I'll make a spot for all your big bad Shadowhunter things, don't worry.
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( Alec is quiet for a moment, thinking, and then his smile fades from his face as something occurs to him. He straightens, sitting up and placing his hand gently over Magnus’ where it rests on his chest. )
Magnus, will me living here put a target on your back? What about your people? How will they react?
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Honestly? I'm not sure. ( he admits, but doesn't stop there. this isn't about to stop him. he wants alec in his life, and he can continue with his role as high warlock with alec living with him. if they think that's all it takes for him to not longer be worthy of the title... well, he'd have some words.
besides, this is their life, isn't it? )
But it's none of their business. I want this, Alexander.
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He reaches down, fingers tracing the rings on Magnus’ hands. )
Look at us know, huh? Who would have thought...
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I could never have imagined, ( he says softly, almost wistful, while watching alec's face. it sounds like he means in general, too. not just alec specifically, but he never could have imagined one day meeting someone again, loving like this, living together, loving a shadowhunter. )
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( Alec is all smiles and he can’t remember ever being this happy before. The way Magnus is looking at him, like he can’t believe Alec is real...Alec thinks he would do anything for Magnus. Alec knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he will fight for them as long as he can and go to the ends of the world to show Magnus that he is worthy of love and happiness until he believes it. )
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( then he snaps his fingers. )
The wards have been adjusted to always let you in, even if I'm not home.
( the prospect sounds lovely to him. coming home to alec already being there, comfortable and safe... it makes his heart feel so full. )