( Alec's thumb is brushing Magnus' knee where his hand still rests and he's distracted for a moment by Magnus' smile and the heat of Magnus' hand on his chest. Magnus must be able to feel Alec's heart pounding now. It feels like it's going to beat right out of his chest. )

I know I'm not--I wish I was better at showing you. But I'll try. ( You make me want to be better is what he doesn't say.

It's not a secret to anyone that knows him that Alec is great with feelings. Putting those feelings into words is even more difficult for him. He isn't one to wear his emotions on his sleeve and before Magnus...he kept a wall up even his own family couldn't tear down. He wants to change, to be better for Magnus. He wants to be someone who deserves Magnus Bane. He knows he's made mistakes...a lot of mistakes and he's afraid he will only make more. Hunting demons, leading the New York Institute, these things came naturally to him. Navigating a relationship was a whole other matter. )

Like I said...we always find our way back to each other.